Sometimes things happen and people change when you don’t want them to, and two words(it’s over) might make you feel like your whole world has imploded and nothing will ever be the same.
This happened to me.
Two months ago, a former best friend decided she had had enough with my social anxiety, and that she had better best friend candidates. She told me I should never speak to her, and that if I did I would just make it harder for her. She then went out of her way to post overtly happy statuses on every single social media site we saw each other on saying, just moments after she sent me those messages,(yes, she told me that over a Skype message) that she was so happy with her new bestie.
And that hurt. It hurt so much I could barely feel anything but that aching hurt.
I felt, for the next few days, a peculiar kind of loneliness. I felt like a part of me was incomplete, I would be laughing about something and, if I was alone when I was laughing, I would suddenly start crying, because I realized that I would have normally then shared it with her.
I have always cared too much, too easily, and too quickly. I am one of the most sensitive people you will ever meet, I get really sad over the simplest things, but I pretend to be so nonchalant that people think I don’t care about anything. But, back to the end of the world.
I went through life like a ghost, on auto-pilot. I tried not to think of her during the day, but she would enter my dreams at night, and it was terrible.
For a teenager, this can honestly seem like the worst thing that could ever happen.
It did for me.
I felt like nothing would ever be the same. Like I had just lost the best part of my life.
This month, I’m doing a writing thing, to write a novel in a month.
Just a week or a week and a half ago, I posted a thread on our local forum : teens from (where I live). Where I live is right outside a relatively big city which encompasses an area that would take about an hour to drive through if you’re driving about 40 MPH, so I didn’t expect to find many other teens near me, considering my dad is the only person who can drive me, and he’s a busy single dad, so anything over fifteen minutes away is a bit long to ask him to drive.
A girl posted, just a couple of sentences, but I had to check her username a couple of times to make sure it wasn’t me who had posted it. It was so like me. I have never clicked something as fast as I did her profile in my life.
She lives a mile from me, 3 minutes at most.
We have everything in common but our height – even our favorite drink, our favorite podcast, and being born exactly the same amount of days before our due date. We knew just two days after we met we were soul sisters.
And now we get together every couple of days to write, and watch old movies, and laugh. And I don’t feel lonely.
I already know her better than I knew my ex-best friend, and it’s only been 7-10 days since I met her.
The message in this ramble?
I read a quote by Winston Churchill, I think, ‘If you’re going through hell, keep going.’
I want to remind all of you, going through a terrible breakup, either with a best friend or someone you love, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may take months, it may take years, and you may feel so so lonely right now that you feel like you will never feel like you did again, but you will find someone. You will find someone so much better, and it will work out.
The reason I posted that thread was because of my loneliness, and look what happened.
I’m sorry, this was rambly, but you were forewarned by the blog name. Your regularly scheduled (who am I kidding? I have the most irregular blog schedule of any blogger I know) blog posts about mostly happy things will return after this one, probably.
Keep going, guys. It will get better. I promise.
I love you.
Rambles and Reflections 