Reflection : Loving Myself

Wow, I seem like I’m conceited, both this and the last post have to do with me, but this one’s more interesting(although there aren’t any mentions of capybaras so that makes it a bit lamer).

I’ve struggled with my self-esteem for years, I was bullied a bit in elementary school and I think that contributed to it, although my own dad calling me fat when I was a healthy BMI and I was, at the most, eleven years old surely didn’t help at all. As a result of this self-esteem issue, I’ve avoided looking into mirrors because I’m ashamed of what I see, I hated buying clothes because it reminds me how I’m not a size 0, and it’s made me even more antisocial. If I don’t talk to anyone, no-one can judge me, right?

Well, in retrospect, when I’m typing it out like this, it all seems quite stupid, I should have taken more to heart that saying, ‘those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind’, but I really did hate myself for a long time there, and thought myself fat and ugly, even though I was never more than at the most 5 pounds overweight, and really don’t look hideous.

A couple of weeks ago, though, this changed. I woke up one morning and decided to love myself. It was a conscious decision, I decided that if I don’t love myself, how can I expect anyone else to, and that I’m really not as ugly as I tell myself I am. I made a list of pros and cons about myself, and found, to my surprise, that the pros outweighed the cons. I spent a long time looking in the mirror, and for the first time I was actually happy about what I saw. Now, I really don’t mind looking in mirrors, and I feel happy. I feel weightless. Because I finally realized that I really am not ugly, and I need to stop telling myself that I am.

This sounds like a simple thing, but it’s the best thing that’s happened to me this year. I feel so so happy and it seems to have helped with my social anxiety just a smidge. Sorry for the long, boring post, I just needed to put that out there.

In summary, please do something for me, OK? Admit to yourself you are beautiful(or handsome, if you feel like beautiful is too feminine), your soul and your appearance, and that you need to love yourself before others can love you. You might not believe yourself, and if you don’t, keep doing it until you do. It’s worth it. Because you’re wonderful and amazing, and you really need to learn to love yourself, because the most wonderful feeling is when you realize you are worth something.

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